Marriage Needs List Survey

This Marriage Needs List is a free survey to help grow your relationship in love. It identifies twelve desires that are important to most husbands and wives. It helps you to rank your priorities for how you desire your spouse to show you the love and respect that you need. We use it in marriage counseling, seminars, and retreats.

Love and Respect

A good marriage needs to be saturated with God’s love and respect.

The Bible makes an important distinction saying, “Husband love your wife” and “Wife respect your husband” (Ephesians 5:25, 33). Of course, everyone needs both love and respect and you can’t very well have one without the other. Love without respect is too weak and respect without love is too distant. But the differentiation is important in that usually wives say that they especially need to feel loved and husbands say that they especially need to feel respected.

Marriage Needs List Survey

Because people have different ways that they feel loved or respected this Marriage Needs List identifies twelve common marital desires and needs. Some of these are likely to be important ways for you and for your spouse to know that are loved and respected.

Take the Marriage Needs List survey twice. First, on the left column indicate your top six priority desires for your spouse to show you loving attention. All 12 may be important to you, but rank them from 1 to 6, with 1 being the desire that is most important to you.

Then go through the Marriage Needs List test a second time, ranking your perception of your spouse’s marital desires. Using the right column indicate the top six ways that you think your spouse wants you to give loving attention.

Top 6 Marital Desires for You Priority Desires in your Marriage Top 6 Marital Desires for Spouse
Recreational Companionship
Having my Spouse Look Attractive
Domestic Support
Verbal Affirmation / Appreciation
Financial Security
Receiving Gifts
Affection (Nonsexual)
Help with Kids


After you’ve ranked the six marriage desires for yourself and your spouse then discuss this with your spouse. See how well you know each other! Learn how you can better communicate God’s love and respect with your spouse.


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