Like many people in ministry, I grew up without the language of emotions. I discovered this in my college class on Christian Counseling. When my professor asked if anyone wanted to be her Teacher’s Aid I practically leaped out of my seat! I wanted to be mentored by her! The first time I went to…
For most of my life until about age 40 I struggled with anxiety. Almost nobody knew it because I hid it and because much of the time I was listening to them talk. But, inside my mind circled with worries, my stomach churned, and my bowels were irritated. Others did notice that I was really serious…
Emotions get a bad rap in many of our Christian circles today. They’re vulnerable and get broken. They’re messy and don’t look right. We prefer thinking, analysis, doctrine, and three steps to a better life. “Believe and do what’s right,” is the typical message for how to follow Jesus and grow spiritually. “Emotions are the…
We all want to be happy, but that can depress us! A pastor in my counseling office forced a smile, “I’m happy to support our friends who left our church to help out at a new church.” Aaron sounded so mature, so loving. But I could see disappointment in his eyes and discouragement in his…
The warmth of God’s presence can be elusive. In his secret journal Henri Nouwen is vulnerable about a dark season in which he couldn’t feel God’s love. He’d helped millions of other people around the world into a more tender and intimate experience with God, but he was in a Dark Night of the Soul.…
Henri Nouwen in his book The Wounded Healer laments that most Christian leaders are not prepared to be spiritual leaders for hurting people. “Our service will not be perceived as authentic,” Nouwen warns, “unless it comes from a heart wounded by the suffering about which we speak. Thus, nothing can be written about ministry without a deeper understanding of…
When I was in high school I didn’t fit in socially. My days were consumed with being an “A” student, working to save money for college, and being helpful to my parents and four younger siblings. Looking back I can see that my perfectionism and internalization of stress made me anxious and depressed all the…
Our thoughts can be “like monkeys jumping around in a banana tree,” Henri Nouwen writes. (The full quote is in our article on “Solitude and Silence”.) Have you noticed any monkeys jumping around in your brain? Do you find yourself over-stressed, distractible, irritable, judging yourself or others, or anxious? That’s the impish monkeys! They screech…
I’m a Thinker. That’s a good thing. Jesus was a Thinker! But, unlike Jesus, I’ve gotten stuck in my head and needed help to learn how to engage my emotions. I want to share with you about being a Thinker who feels. But if you’re a Feeler, like my wife Kristi, I’m writing to you…
In a conflict situation it’s easy to get entangled in what the other person is doing that upsets me. But that’s not helpful — it only adds to my anger or shame and makes things worse. When there’s tension in my relationship with Bill or someone else I take out The Communication Wheel. It’s simple…