When I was in high school I didn’t fit in socially. My days were consumed with being an “A” student, working to save money for college, and being helpful to my parents and four younger siblings. Looking back I can see that my perfectionism and internalization of stress made me anxious and depressed all the…
“I’m fine,” we say. Men especially do this to be “strong” — much to the disappointment of family and friends (especially women!) who want more connection. Burying emotions is actually a weakness that disrupts life and ministry. Bill Gaultiere and John Loppnow, fellow pastors and counselors, share how they connect with their emotions and with God. John introduces “Immanuel Journaling” as a tool for self-awareness and prayer.
Our thoughts can be “like monkeys jumping around in a banana tree,” Henri Nouwen writes. (The full quote is in our article on “Solitude and Silence”.) Have you noticed any monkeys jumping around in your brain? Do you find yourself over-stressed, distractible, irritable, judging yourself or others, or anxious? That’s the impish monkeys! They screech…
Dumping on people it’s not helpful! Effective listening enables people to feel cared for and to take personal personal responsibility — it doesn’t “fragilize” them. We discuss an example in parenting. Bill’s Bible study and reflective meditation from Habakkuk helps us be strengthened in faith through venting emotion wisely.
I’m a Thinker. That’s a good thing. Jesus was a Thinker! But, unlike Jesus, I’ve gotten stuck in my head and needed help to learn how to engage my emotions. I want to share with you about being a Thinker who feels. But if you’re a Feeler, like my wife Kristi, I’m writing to you…
What’s God doing when hurricane’s hit? How do we deal with hardships? We go to Jesus together. We validate the emotions and offer empathy. We may need to re-think our perspective and faith and do some training to learn how to live and react to trials from within the spiritual reality of the Kingdom of God.
In a conflict situation it’s easy to get entangled in what the other person is doing that upsets me. But that’s not helpful — it only adds to my anger or shame and makes things worse. When there’s tension in my relationship with Bill or someone else I take out The Communication Wheel. It’s simple…
A woman asks, “How can I help my husband share his feelings?” We all have family members or friends who are reluctant to share emotions. Maybe you are too! Here’s how to invite people to be emotionally vulnerable and draw them into the grace of Christ. In a replay of a conversation from the past, Kristi uses empathy to draw out Bill when he was an emotionally reluctant husband.
Often in marriage or another relationship we think we have an intimacy problem when really it’s more about a boundary problem. Boundaries between people get blurred if either one tries to share their “feelings” by sharing their perceptions of the other person. This blurs boundaries and leads to conflict. Instead, if you share your personal…
“I will bless you… so that you will be a blessing.” In Genesis 12:2 God spoke these words to Abraham and, in doing so, laid out a principle for those of us four thousand years later who have chosen to live with Jesus as our Shepherd. Think about blessings God has given you… and how…