This Week on Soul Talks
Often we are afraid to hope and be disappointed. The emotional let down of disappointment is painful and lonely. So naturally, we’re prone to guard against the pain by letting down our hopes.
But without hope we have nothing! All good things come from hope. The Bible says it’s the spring for faith and love (Colossians 1:5) and an anchor for your soul (Hebrews 6:19).
So how can we hold onto hope through fears of disappointment and loss? That’s what Bill and Kristi are unpacking in this Soul Talk. Tune in to discover what it means to have a robust Biblical hope and be encouraged to take the risk of hoping in the Sovereign Lord who is bringing good things to us.
Resources for this episode:
Having Hope When You Fear Disappointment Transcript
Bill & Kristi Gaultiere
Bill
Friends, today we’re going to talk about hope.
Hope is the most important virtue, in a way, because faith and love spring from hope.
We are reading Colossians 1:4-5 one of the famous scriptures and Isaiah chapter 40:
“Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will Mount up with wings as Eagles. They will run and not be weary. They will walk and not faint.”
Hope is the source of so many good things.
Well, what is hope?
Sometimes we don’t really know what hope is. We act or talk like it’s just sort of wishful thinking, but hope is actually the anticipation of good from God.
Hope is an anchor for our soul (Hebrews 6:19).
It’s a solid tie into reality, in stormy seas, that keeps us anchored.
Kristi
1 Cor:13 ends with, “These three remain; faith, hope, and love.”
Bill
The great trilogy of virtues.
Faith Without Hope Is Paralyzed
Kristi
Hope is powerful.
Hope is important.
Hope is a gift from God.
And yet there are many of us who feel like our followers on Instagram.
When we posted about this, that hope is anticipation of good from God, one follower said:
“So what do you say to someone who is afraid to hope—Who is afraid to be disappointed, who is afraid I won’t get what I hope for?”
And so thank you for posting that question, because we love to hear from you.
We have so many people that are following Jesus with us, and Instagram is one of those places.
And so if you’re not following us, Soul Shepherding, on Instagram, we’d love to have you join us in following Jesus there.
But thank you for your question on Instagram about hope, because you articulated a voice to question and a struggle I think at some level we all relate to.
I think we all have experiences of trying to defend or protect ourselves from disappointment in life.
Bill
To hope for good from God.
To have hope that you’re going to be accepted by someone important to you in a relationship.
To have hope that your work is going to be appreciated when you put yourself out there.
Whether you’re an artist, a minister, leading a small group or whatever your work is, when you put it out there and people respond to it, you want it to be valued and for people to see the significance of it.
And so, it’s a risk.
Certainly, when we pray, we have some loved ones who are in some major health battles right now.
And so praying for healing, praying for God’s care for them— that comes out of hope.
Anticipating that God is good, that God is a healer.
That God is a Redeemer that works bad things for good in people’s lives.
We’re going out on a limb when we really hope in the reality of God’s Kingdom being manifest in particular circumstances in our life.
Kristi
I think that I can’t have true faith if I don’t have hope.
If I don’t have hope that these loved ones will get well, that God is active in their life, that God can work this for good, that he loves them.
It paralyzes my faith.
When I feel hopeless, it paralyzes my faith.
It even paralyzes my connection to God, my trust in God.
Risking Deep Disappointment and Craving
Bill
Yes. Another great place to understand hope is in Romans 5, there’s a great passage here:
“We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings.”
That’s the really hard part because we know that suffering produces perseverance.
Perseverance, character.
Character, hope.
And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit who he has given us.
There’s a back and forth there between hope.
When we can see that God is loving and kind and gracious.
That God, who’s our creator, our Redeemer, the God with all the power, the Sovereign Lord— he’s generous and tender-hearted.
Our source of hope is in God.
And then that carries us through trials.
Through learning to obey the Lord’s teachings and developing character, and a deeper experience of God’s love.
Which then leads to more hope.
So it’s like a circle, but hope is in the middle of all that.
And in a special way, it’s the spring, as we said in Colossians chapter one.
To look to God with hope in any situation is really the most important thing in our life.
Kristi
Yet it says in that scripture again, “Hope does not disappoint,” but sometimes experientially, it feels like it does.
It feels like, “I really hoped for that.”
And, “I was disappointed.”
And, “That was so painful.”
“That was such a fall, if you will, in my spirit. I don’t wanna suffer that again.”
“I don’t wanna go there again.”
“I don’t wanna risk that deep disappointment and craving.”
So I defend myself by just saying, “Well, I’m just not gonna hope.”
Bill
We put our hope, very naturally, in things being better for us.
Whether that’s healing or my friend accepting me, a conversation going well, a relationship with a family member being repaired, the work that I’m doing is being appreciated by people.
As I said earlier, we put our hope in these things.
It’s not wrong to do that.
Of course we have desires for things to go better.
But when our hope is in those outward things— those circumstances, well, we’re gonna be disappointed.
Sometimes things are not always gonna go the way we want them to.
Our prayers are not always gonna be answered the way we want.
We’re going to experience letdowns.
Kristi
I think that’s really important what you’re saying, because what you’re saying is that it’s not like hope is magical.
It’s not like if you hope it’ll happen.
It’s not like, just have hope that everything’s gonna always go the way you want it.
That’s not what we’re talking about here.
With that kind of hope we will be disappointed, because we’re gonna hope for some things that may seem good to us, but really aren’t good for us.
Or some things we don’t have control over or just aren’t ultimate.
We’re not saying that hope is like this magic thing— that we need to always hope for the best in every circumstance and always place a lot of weight on our hope.
The Difference Between Hope And Faith
Bill
Yeah.
Back to the Hebrews scripture that, “Hope is an anchor for our soul in the stormy seas of circumstances that go up and down” (Hebrews 6:19 par).
Hope is what anchors us to reality. To the ground of God’s existence in God’s Kingdom.
Back in the Romans five passage, hope is not just this idea that we’re gonna get what we want, but hope is facilitating our growth and character.
Our growth and Christlikeness.
It’s facilitating our deepening experience and expression of God’s love, God’s peace, and God’s joy.
As it relates to virtue and to life with Jesus and the Kingdom of the Heavens, that’s where hope is doing its real work.
Hope is that positive outlook that God is on the move.
God is doing beautiful things.
And I’m getting to participate in God’s beautifulness, God’s redemption, and God’s blessings.
Not always when I want or the way I want, but God is always good.
I’m experiencing that in different ways, even through these ups and downs in my life.
That’s what hope is really about.
It’s tying into the revelation and reality of God’s presence.
Kristi
So how would you distinguish between hope and faith?
It seems like they’re really closely connected.
As I said, I don’t think I can have faith without hope.
Bill
It’s so helpful to me in Colossians 1:5 that, “Hope is the spring for faith and love.”
My faith, my confidence in God, my trust in God and faith in the Bible is a lot about perseverance.
A continuing relationship with God where I’m trusting the Lord, even though circumstances are going up and down, as we said.
Hope Is An Anchor For Our Souls
Kristi
I think maybe you would say hope is where we get our larger vision that guides our faith.
And that faith is more concrete and specific in terms of what we’re having faith in God for—how we’re trusting and putting confidence in God in the moment.
Bill
Faith is how we work it out. For sure.
Hope ties into the fact that I have needs.
And I want blessings.
And so hope is a very warm and compassionate virtue.
It’s God’s tenderness to me. I have needs, I have desires and God cares about that.
Kristi
Sometimes it seems like hope isn’t as solid as faith in the way we use it.
You might typically hear the example of, “Well, do you have faith that chair’s gonna hold you? If, so you sit in it, that’s faith.”
You believe it’s gonna hold you.
But it kind of seems to say, well, I “hope” it’s gonna hold me.
That doesn’t feel right.
That feels wishy-washy.
That kind of feels like, “Well, I’m not really sure. I just hope so. I’m gonna go for it.”
So sometimes hope is talked about that way, as if it’s actually lesser than faith.
Bill
Yeah. I think that’s a different use of the word hope.
It’s back to this wishful thinking idea, which is what a lot of us feel unconsciously when we use the word hope.
But Biblical hope is tied into the reality, the rock bottom ocean floor of God’s reality.
That’s why it’s an anchor.
Kristi
So I think you would say that one of the things in this question is how do I guard against disappointment or what do I do if I’m afraid of being disappointed.
I think part of what we might say to that is, if we think hope is this wishful thinking, if it’s this, “Well, I don’t really believe this. I just hope it’s true.”
Then what we tend to do is we tend to not have expectations.
But faith is a sort of expectation in God. True hope really is too. It’s an expectation that God is good.
It’s anticipation, but could you even say an expectation?
Bill
An expectation of good from God, for sure. Yes.
I’m not expecting, as in controlling things, but anticipating that God will come through. Not necessarily in the way I want, but in a way that’s good.
When we’re afraid of disappointment, it’s because we don’t know that underneath us are the everlasting arms of God.
We might know that intellectually, but we’re scared to be let down and have negative emotions piling on top of us and to be overwhelmed or to be alone with that.
So we guard against hoping by letting our hopes down.
Because we don’t want to feel if we hope too much, then the let down hurts too much. And that’s because we’re not trusting that there is empathy.
There is compassion.
There is grace.
There is support for me.
I’m not gonna be alone because we know that in a difficult and painful time, I’m going to be supported.
I’m going to be loved.
I’m going to be cared for.
The healthy human way to live is to hope.
It is to reach out.
We see this in our little grandkids.
Lincoln has hope that he can walk and not fall.
Watching him kind of wobble along, he’s been well-loved, he feels secure.
Sometimes he falls and gets hurt, but he knows that he’s gonna be held and he’s gonna be comforted.
So he doesn’t shrink back.
He tries new things.
In our older grandchild, Juliet, who’s just turning four, we see her venture out in many ways with her personality, with lots of big courage and positivity and confidence.
That’s in part because she’s very well cared for and loved.
And when she is disappointed or things don’t go well she knows that she’s gonna be accepted and she’s gonna be cared for.
Children who experience bonding and secure attachment develop a greater sense of confidence and adventure about themselves to take risks and to try to hope for good things.
It’s okay if they fail or they get rejected because they can fall back into some arms of comfort.
We Are Going To Be Disappointed
Kristi
I really appreciate your pointing this out because I don’t think we can guard against disappointment.
I think we are gonna be disappointed.
I know that there are all kinds of times when I am motivated by hope, praying to ask for something good from God, but I get disappointed.
And I think sometimes it’s because I get overly attached to the outcome that I’m praying for.
And when that outcome doesn’t happen, which many times it does—God does answer prayer powerfully.
But there are times when he doesn’t answer it in the way I want, or I’m hoping he will, and I get disappointed.
So instead of not ever hoping again and defending myself against hoping in God and praying again, I need to grieve.
I need to grieve that my hope was disappointed.
I need to grieve that the outcome that I wanted wasn’t fulfilled.
Bill
The way I would say it for my life is that when we’ve prayed for someone’s healing, or when we try something new in Soul Shepherding, whether it’s hiring somebody for a position or a new program that we’re releasing for people, or writing a new book— these are all risks.
I feel hope.
Then with faith, it’s like going out on a limb.
And you’re getting on a limb for God, but you’re not worried about whether or not you might fall because you’re trusting that God will catch you because the outcomes are not on my back.
It’s not up to me to heal somebody.
It’s not up to me to write a successful book, it’s not up to me to create a great program for Soul Shepherding.
My part is to try.
It’s to use my knowledge and my heart and my compassion.
To reach out and love somebody or do some good work and put it out there.
And when I have robust Biblical hope, I’m able to do that because I’m not tied to the outcomes.
My self-esteem is not hanging in the balance here.
If I pray for somebody and they’re not healed, it’s not my fault.
I did my part, to pray with hope and with faith and with love.
If the healing doesn’t happen, that’s on God’s side. He’s the Sovereign Lord.
There’s many factors that go into a healing, just as there are many factors that go into a successful book.
Or a successful small group or a family gathering going like we want it to.
Or a conversation with a friend going as we want it to.
So I can abandon the outcomes of these situations to God.
And realize, “Okay, I’m just gonna do my part.”
And my part is responding to what I believe God is doing.
I believe it is a good thing that God is a part of.
Then I’m going out on a limb, “Okay, Lord, I’m looking to you to act. To bring your beauty and your kindness and your power and your goodness.”
What I find is that when I take that attitude of faith that’s springing from hope, that miracles sometimes happen.
Good things happen.
God does great things.
And so I feel like my life is this adventure because I’ve got this confidence in God.
This hopeful anticipation and expectation that God’s gonna do something good.
And I think it’s going to be along these lines, but even if it’s not along those lines, it’s gonna be good.
Even if it leads to my failing or my rejection or my being disappointed, it’s okay.
Because I know that I can find the empathy I need to deal with that.
I know that there’s gonna be growth in my character, like Romans 5 talks about.
That I’m gonna have a continuing and deepening actual experience of God’s loving-kindness and mercy.
Even if my prayers aren’t being answered the way I want, what I actually need is larger than that particular want.
You Can Have Hope That God Will Work For Good
Kristi
So what you’re saying right there is that even in disappointment, even when what you hoped for didn’t happen, you still have hope.
You have hope that God will work for good.
That God’s producing more character in you, that you can hope again.
That your heart is secure and hoping for God, even in the midst of the current disappointment and the grief.
You have hope that God is with you/
And you can receive and experience that presence through receiving empathy from people—ambassadors of Christ—as you process through the grief of the disappointment.
Bill
Part of the situation here is that I’ve learned I have many hopes.
When we’re talking about one particular hope in one particular situation of need or opportunity, I would rather hope for good from God in that situation with the possibility that I might end up getting disappointed.
I’d rather hope and be disappointed than to not hope at all.
Because if you don’t hope at all, then your world starts shrinking and you’re missing out on the adventure of life.
Kristi
There is something though, that can be hard about hoping.
I think of the scripture that says hope deferred makes the heart sick.
Bill
Yeah, there is this disappointment, this let down.
This experiencing rejection, experiencing failure, when our specific hopes don’t always come true.
And we have painful emotions about that.
It’s a risk to proceed. I have learned that it’s better to live the adventure, to be courageous, to be bold, and to hope as God is leading me and that life works out much better.
There are many more good things that I get to participate in because of taking all these risks.
But there are failures, rejections, disappointments and hard emotional experiences.
And maybe I experience more of those by hoping, but it’s worth it because I know that there’s comfort available to me in God and in friends that I trust.
And because I know that I’m doing this as best I can discern, in tandem with the Spirit of Jesus leading me in my life, my relationships, and my work, I know that there is a larger picture:
The Romans 5 larger picture of hope producing character and a faith that perseveres in a growing love relationship with God, with other people.
Hope Is The Reason To Praise God
Kristi
Well, and I think Romans 8:24-25 is coming to mind too, where Paul says, “Who hopes for what he already has? Yet, if we hope for what we have not yet received, we wait patiently for it.”
There is this waiting for this eternal hope.
To some extent, our hope in God isn’t ever going to be fulfilled fully in this life.
And I think that it’s helpful for me to have that perspective.
I know when I find myself feeling discouraged or grieving the loss of something I’d hoped for right now, I find myself in the emotions of that, the downness of that, the grief of that, the sadness of that—sometimes I’ll be reminded of the Psalm.
It says, “Why so downcast, oh, my soul, put your hope in God for you yet again, have reason to praise him” (Psalm 43:5).
That’s a reorienting scripture that reminds me where my ultimate hope is fixed.
That’s what I’m really waiting patiently for.
My ultimate hope is on God and his goodness, not on the circumstance that didn’t go the way that I had hoped.
Bill
Yes. And you’re emphasizing a really important point about how hope is tied to patience and perseverance.
Which has been implicit in the Romans 5 passages we keep turning to, and also in Romans 8, as you’re saying.
So that brings out the courage and the strength of hope.
It does require persistence to keep anticipating good from God in the particular thing that we’re praying on or working on.
I think if we get back to the Instagram follower’s question, she’s afraid to be disappointed, she’s afraid to hope and be disappointed.
Which is what we’re talking about here.
And that’s so real, because we all have that feeling.
I have that feeling.
There’s a number of things we’re talking about here in terms of the larger picture of our relationship with God and participating in God’s Kingdom.
Bill
But just to get back to the part about needing empathy.
I think that we guard against possible disappointment and we hold back from hoping in situations of our life because we’re afraid of the emotions of distress that would follow.
If our hope is not fulfilled the way we want. we can handle that fear and our life is going to be better by facing that fear, if we know there is empathy available for us.
If we know how to be calmed down after a hurt or a disappointment.
If we know how to receive and absorb the nurture, the comfort, the grace that comes from praying scripture and sensing God’s comfort for us.
Talking with a good friend or a Spiritual Director who gives us empathy.
And being built up.
Being encouraged and strengthened.
When we know we have access to that, then we’re willing to take the risk of hoping and being disappointed.
