Many families and groups are built on unhealthy “triangles” of three-way relationships that harm people and create dysfunction. It’s a simple concept, that once we understand, we can use to love one another better. The theory of triangles helps explain why being part of a family (also a small group, staff team, or church community)…
When Jesus lived on earth, he never walked on eggshells around people, worried about upsetting them, clung to them for approval, or pushed to get them to do what they should. He was self-aware, secure, solid, purposeful, straightforward, loving. How did Jesus do this? How was he able to be so loving, even to difficult…
“I feel invisible,” Angelica’s face sunk with her words. “My husband doesn’t even see me. He’s so focused on his work, his ministry projects, what he wants to do. There’s no room for me in our relationship…” After listening to her awhile, I felt like she was invisible! Really. My office was filled with his…
As I prayed and pondered the beautiful life growing in my daughter’s womb so much began to well up in me! So many things I wanted to share about my Abba and his care for her! So I began to write Letters From Papa. The nurture and love of both of our parents set the…
“The reason I share my junk with you,” a pastor disclosed. “Is because you’re not a monkish spiritual formation guy. I can’t relate to the contemplative spiritual direction types.” We hear this a lot from pastors. This is one reason why in last week’s Soul Shepherding blog/email I blurted out, “Spiritual Disciplines are Dung!” I…
We love being with family for the holidays — or maybe not! It can be stressful! And in some family relationships it’s awkward or uncomfortable. Personalities don’t mesh, or there’s distance or unresolved conflicts. Jesus experienced this. He had conflict in his family too! In my book Your Best Life in Jesus’ Easy Yoke we…
Have you ever had a trauma from your past triggered? I have! “Trauma” may sound dramatic — I wasn’t in a war or abused. As an infant I required stomach surgery to survive. My mom wanted to be with me but wasn’t allowed, so it felt like abandonment. Recently, emotions I experienced as a baby…
How do you feel about Lent? Many Christ-followers are unsure about it. To some it feels somber, even dark or oppressive, and they’re afraid of it. But Catholics and mainline Protestant churches have been celebrating Lent for centuries. And in the last few years more and more Christians are participating. Pastors, including those at conservative…
How were you cared for as a child? How well were your needs met? What were your early experiences in your relationships with your parents and your family? And how did this affect your personality, identity, and life going forward? Relational wounds are more damaging when we’re younger, they come from a beloved and trusted…
Without a friend who feels our hurt, stress, and longings with us our souls shrivel up and die. Giving and receiving empathy are key to life in Christ.