“Sex” and “soul” are both very popular in our world today. But we have no idea how to put them together.
Sex is everywhere in our society. To be sexy is the way to attract attention. It’s how we feel good. It’s how we bond — even with strangers. It’s how we sell things.
The soul is also popular today. To be soulful is to believe and do whatever makes us feel happy. It’s how we feel “spiritual” without God.
We’re so confused!
Soulful Sex
In reality sex is God’s gift for a husband and wife to experience together and the soul is the human person finding integration and wholeness in relationship with God and other persons.
Put together, soulful sex is the fruition of a husband and wife who love and respect one another. It’s mutually beneficial sexual intimacy in marriage. It’s about having children, blessing one another with pleasure, and being united under and in God.
How to Talk About Sex
How did you learn about sex? Who do you talk to about it?
There is lots of pain, confusion and hiddenness here! Kids often learn about sex on the Internet rather than from their parents. Even married couples may avoid talking about their sexual relationship. Visual or verbal pornography snares even committed Christians, including some pastors.
On our honeymoon Kristi and I learned all we could about sex from Christian psychologists Clifford and Joyce Penner. We read their book, The Gift of Sex, and attended their seminar. We talked about our sexuality, our feelings about sex and where God was in it, and we tried their recommended sexual experiments for bringing one another pleasure.
When we had children we taught them about sexuality in age-appropriate ways — sharing what the Bible teaches, reading Christian books, and facilitating conversations.
Sexuality is a very personal and sensitive area, which is all the more reason why we need to learn how to talk about it.
Sex in the Bible
The Bible has lots to say about sex. In addition to instructions on moral sex, we’re given examples, both of perverted, harmful sexuality and of wholesome, beautiful sexuality.
In Song of Songs Solomon tells the story of his first marriage. It’s filled with romance, love, respect, faithfulness, mutuality, affection, words of affirmation, pleasure, and sexual intimacy. In dramatic form it portrays a godly, healthy romance.
But then Solomon took more wives. Although it was common back then for a man to have more than one wife, he took thousands of wives and concubines.
In the New Testament the Apostle Paul integrates romance and mysticism, offering us the ultimate words on soulful sex. He says that sexual union in a marriage of love and mutual submission that facilitates the “profound mystery” of oneness with Christ. (Ephesians 5:21-33)
Let’s Talk About Soulful Sex
In the most recent episode of “Soul Talks” Bill and Kristi have a conversation about “Sexual Intimacy in Marriage.”
We have lots of free resources (articles, surveys, and other tools) on Christian marriage.
