Negative emotions. We all have them. We all have struggled with how to deal with emotions like worry, anger, depression, shame, ambition, lust, and jealousy—even a psychologist like me who has devoted 24 years to helping people overcome emotional problems.

Of course, having an emotion isn’t a problem—it’s normal. But how do we respond to troubling emotions? That’s the issue.

Emotions become “negative” when they are internalized or acted on in ways that harm yourself or others. Many of the ministry leaders and other Christ followers that we talk to struggle with negative emotions.

Learn from the Psalmist

“Do not worry… Do not worry… Do not worry…” the Psalmist repeats his counsel three times in Psalm 37 (verses 1, 7, 8). Just like Jesus did in Matthew 6 (verses 25, 31, 34).

“Do not worry.” This is not empty reassurance. The Psalmist understands our emotional problems and he shows us the way to work through them in prayer so that not only can we have peace with God, but also we can have the peace of God.

The way of the Psalmist—God’s wisdom—runs counter to the way of the world. Our culture tells us that the way to be free of negative emotions is to “get them out” by venting. That’s not true. Expressing our emotions in a loving way (toward others and self) does help us to be more aware of them which is part of the answer because it can facilitate receiving empathy so we know that we’re not alone and we have help to carry our burdens. But there is more.

The Psalmist does more than just vent his emotions to God — he is growing in his understanding of himself and his life, taking responsibility to deal with his situation, and reaching out in faith for the comfort and guidance from God that he needs.

He demonstrates that there are reasons why we struggle with emotions like anger and these reasons need to be understood and resolved if we’re going to make good decisions and become a better person.

Emotions and the Kingdom of God

One of the reasons why we struggle with negative emotions is when in a given situation we are not fully submitted to God and his kingdom.

I want my way. I want things to work out fairly. I want to be happy. I want to feel in control. I want people to be happy with me. I want, I want, I want!

It’s natural to have wants, but if our desires aren’t submitted to God and if we don’t find the Lord himself to be our portion then those desires will wreck havoc in our lives.

Jesus said, “Seek first the kingdom of God and all that you need will be provided for you in due time” (Matthew 6:33, paraphrase). When you or I are overtaken by an emotion or reacting to it in an unloving way we can be sure that in that situation (and probably in the underlying psychological dynamics) we have not yet learned to be fully submitted to the Lord.

Pray Psalm 37

David’s prayer in Psalm 37 helps us learn to submit to God — to trust our Good Shepherd, to focus on our responsibility to do what is good and right (no matter how it feels), to wait for God’s provision and guidance, and, most of all, to find delight in what is most precious — knowing the Lord!

Do not worry…

Trust in the Lord and do good;

Dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

Trust in him and he will do this: he will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;

Do not worry… Do not worry (Psalm 37:1-8).

Which Emotion do you Need to Pray About?

Try praying this passage by substituting for the word “worry” whatever negative emotions you struggle with. One at a time focus on your emotional struggles to submit to God. Pray, “Do not _______ …”

Perhaps you need to pray, “Do not fear / hurry / envy / be angry / be ambitious / be competitive / lust / be greedy / be ashamed / criticize yourself / feel inadequate / feel insecure.”

Pray that God would help you learn to become the kind of person David is describing: someone who finds such delight in knowing the Lord and doing his will that he or she can be at peace when circumstances are not good.

More Soul Shepherding

Learn more about growing in submission to the Lord.

Learn how to pray as a Breath Prayer Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (This will make you smile with Jesus!)

Pastors, pastor’s wives, missionaries, and other Christian leaders may struggle with negative emotions too. In our Soul Shepherding ministry we help them to overcome these issues through counseling or spiritual mentoring.

Bill Gaultiere, Ph.D. & Kristi Gaultiere, Psy.D. ~ http://www.soulshepherding.org

What do you do when you’ve been mistreated and God doesn’t seem to answer your prayers? How do you pray when God seems distant and unconcerned about your pain? We all go through these trials. They don’t mean that God is angry with us or that we’re not good Christians. It may be a dark night of the soul.

In dark night trials we tend to feel alone, but we’re not! The Psalmist understands and in Psalm 44 he shows us how to pray in the dark. Many of our Bible heroes went through these times, most notably Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane when he sweat drops of blood and on the cross when he cried out, “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?” (Psalm 22:1).

“Deep Darkness” is a prayer I wrote inspired by Psalm 44. It’s a prayer for prevailing with God when you’re in a Dark Night of the Soul or other trial.

What if you’re not going through a Dark Night of the Soul? It’d be wise to “watch and pray” with Jesus now and to learn to pray this way before you’re in a dark night. This way you can cultivate the mature trust and confidence in God that will enable you to persevere through upcoming trials with a loyal and patient love for God. And you can pray for someone else who is going through a dark night now.

Deep Darkness 

Awake, O Lord!  Rouse yourself!

Do for us what you did for our fathers –

You made them to flourish;

Redeem us because of your unfailing love.

 ~

My Lord has let me be mistreated:

I have been humbled by adversaries,

I have been reproached by neighbors,

People shake their heads at me.

 ~

Yet, you bring me victory, O Lord –

                By your right hand,

                By your strong arm,

                By the light of your face –

For you love me.

 ~

We rely on you, our King and our God;

We do not trust merely in our own strength.

In your kingdom, O Lord, we boast all day long;

We praise your name forever – Selah.

 ~

My Lord’s face is hidden from me:

I am as a sheep to be slaughtered,

I am left clinging to the dust,

Deep darkness has covered me.

 ~

Yet, I remember your name, O Lord –

                With my heart’s cry,

                With my hands outstretched,

                With the steps of my feet –

For you know all things.

 ~

We rely on you, our King and our God;

We do not trust merely in our own strength.

In your kingdom, O Lord, we boast all day long;

We praise your name forever: Jesus Christ!

(Inspired by Psalm 44)

In the Dark Night Remember God is another Psalms prayer to help you when you’re going through a Dark Night of the Soul.

In our Soul Shepherding ministry one of our specialties is helping people who are going through a dark night of the soul.

William Gaultiere, Ph.D. & Kristi Gaultiere, Psy.D. ~ http://www.soulshepherding.org

As a young man and a new psychologist I spent years in my own psychotherapy, getting help with anxiety and depression.

Being in therapy was the best training I could’ve received to be a therapist for others — but that’s not why I did it.

I went in therapy because I was overwhelmed with pressures to achieve, be ideal, and make other people happy. I was afraid of failure because my self-esteem was always on the line. I felt guilty if I said no to people and opportunities so I kept trying to do more and more.

I Needed a Christ’s Ambassador

Through my Christian therapist God provided me the soul care that I needed. I learned how to express my feelings and work through conflicts, attach more deeply in relationships, and set boundaries.

Through the therapy process over time I got free of my false self and came alive as my true self — my God created and Christ-redeemed self — and in the process I discovered the joy of helping others not by trying hard, but “out of the overflow.”

My therapist was “Christ’s Ambassador” to me (2 Corinthians 5:20).

I was at the Bottom of an Old Well

What’s it like for me to be in psychotherapy?

In 1992 I wrote about my personal struggle of going through therapy in my prayer poem: “Becoming ‘I’.” It tells the story of how through my relationship with my therapist God found me at the bottom of an old well and set me free to be me!

My experience in therapy was very much like David’s in Psalm 40:1-5:

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.

Blessed is the [person] who makes the LORD his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done.

Becoming “I”

I looked up and into the whites of your eyes

And I saw myself deep inside the bottom of an old well –

Dark

Damp

Dreary

Dirty -

All alone except for your eyes peering from the skies;

Lost until now but still trapped in this living hell.

~

I didn’t even know I was down inside there;

I thought it was me who was up on the ground outside -

Successful

Supportive

Spirited

Spotless -

But it couldn’t be me who has looked so good everywhere;

It must be the roles I played so my pain I could hide.

~

This is the real me who is down this old well then.

Those who’ve walked by me just didn’t see or hear -

Tears

Tenderness

Trembling

Turmoil -

I reached out to them until I couldn’t reach out again;

I remained alone and unknown until you came and waited near.

~

Now your hand reaches way down and I want to reach way high;

I’m trying to trust again because I need what you offer -

Light

Love

Life

Laughter -

Please keep looking and waiting and reaching for my reply;

Our hands – are just – about – to come – to – ge – ther.

More Soul Shepherding

For more help with your self-esteem read my article, “A New Name from God will Free you of Shame.”

Kristi and I offer psychotherapy in our office in Irvine, CA. We also offer soul care and spiritual mentoring by phone or e-mail. We help pastors, pastor’s wives, and missionaries for whatever they can afford to pay.

Bill Gaultiere, Ph.D. & Kristi Gaultiere, Psy.D. ~ http://www.soulshepherding.org

I was alone with my Creator in the quiet…

Looking in my rear view mirror I saw that days have turned into weeks and months and years and decades. Time keeps slipping away. Opportunities and people come and go. Sometimes I succeed and other times I don’t. Sometimes people appreciate me and other times they don’t. One day I feel good about myself and the next I may not. One day I know who I am and what I’m doing and the next I’m not sure.

Maybe sometimes you too feel lonely, unsure, inadequate, insecure?

But I have discovered that all along the road of life one thing doesn’t change: Christ, the I AM, is before me and he loves me! (John 8:58; 15:9).

Do you remember to connect with Christ like this as you go about your day? What a wonderful difference it makes to see the smile of Jesus and take hold of his hand! Like the Apostle John I appreciate anew that I am the disciples Jesus loves and this is the foundation of my identity and well-being (John 13:23, 19:26, 20:2, 21:7, 21:20).

I was reminded of the blessing of knowing Christ that day as I was driving and praying through Psalm 144. And David’s ancient Psalm inspired me to sing from my heart a new song of love for my Lord. Jesus Christ was the Beginning and the End of my thoughts and I found myself in the middle of Him…

You are the I AM

I am because you are

I am your servant

You are my Loving God.

~

You are my Air

I am your breath

I am your shadow

You are my Sunlight

Over and over I breathed in and out as I whispered the second stanza as my prayer to Christ my Lord…

Breathing in: “You are my Air…”

Breathing out: “I am your breath…”

Breathing in: “I am your shadow…”

Breathing out: “You are my Sunlight…”

Take a few moments. Try my Breath Prayer now… (You may need to print this page and get away from your computer!)

You may want to read the rest of my prayer poem inspired by Psalm 144: “I Am Because You are the I AM.”

And you may want to learn more about how God can use Breath Prayers to guard your heart with His peace.

Thank you!

Bill & Kristi

“How are you… really? What do you need? What are you hoping for? How can I pray for you?” When someone expresses genuine personal interest in you it is healing. When you open up to grace it is life-giving.

But somewhere along the line we all have felt rejected… devalued… unknown… lost…

And we have learned to deny our hurts… not have emotional needs… distract ourselves from our inner pain… isolate…

We must come to the point where we cry out to God with the Psalmist: “May my cry come before you, O Lord… May your hand be ready to help me… I long for your salvation… I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant” (Psalm 119:169, 173-4, 176).

Jesus Christ answers this prayer – the first time you pray it to become a Christian and everyday that you are hurting or lost in some way. He promised us: “I go after my lost sheep until I find it” (Luke 15:4, paraphrase).

The Good Shepherd is always looking for you – to know you and be known by you, to invite you into a more personal and loving relationship. The question for you and for me – right now and every moment of every day – is are we looking to connect with Him?

Pray with me my little prayer inspired by the last verses of Psalm 119:

O Jesus, I have strayed like a lost sheep. May your hand help me…

Cry out to the Good Shepherd! Repeat the prayer of the Psalmist again and again, slowly, until it lives in you and your heart is warmed with the realization: the Spirit of Christ is indeed living in me and He is shepherding my soul in love now and always!

O Jesus, I have strayed like a lost sheep. May your hand help me…

Learning to Abide in Prayer has helped me to connect deeply with Christ’s love and to share it with others. I do it everyday. I invite you to practice with me this delightful way of prayerful meditation on Scripture.

The Bible is full of wonderful promises that God loves us in the way that a shepherd cares for his sheep. As part of a retreat I lead that is based on Psalm 23 I share Bible verses on the theme of “Walking with Good Shepherd.”

Thank you!

Bill & Kristi

Usually its better to slow down!

I was talking with a friend who likes to drive in the fast lane.  He thrives on trying to get more done in less time in order to be successful.  He’s very productive… and stressed.

He doesn’t realize that he’s continually recruiting adrenaline to give him the boost of energy and confidence that he feels he needs to handle all of his responsibilities.  His body’s production of adrenaline is like his own drug manufacturing plant!  He has adrenaline dependence.

Other people get their adrenaline hits through extreme sports, risky behavior, or loud music.

Adrenaline is God’s gift to us.  It’s meant to help us respond to emergencies and urgent needs.  Used sparingly it’s a good thing.  Used continually it wears down your body and diminishes your life.  (Doctors have called this “hurry sickness.”) You get to the point where it’s hard to slow down and enjoy the little blessings in each day – birds singing, children playing, relaxing with a friend, prayer.

It’s difficult for people like my friend to get off of adrenaline.  It feels so good!  It helps them to get more done.  And when they slow down (and aren’t stimulating themselves with adrenaline) they feel tired, empty, and depressed.

I myself have overcome adrenaline dependence.  And I’ve helped pastors and other leaders get off the destructive habit of relying on the body’s “speed.”

Freedom comes with learning to set boundaries on work and “urgent” demands and slow down your pace of life.  It can be helpful to practice slowing down your pace of life by driving in the slow lane on the road in order to enjoy music (that’s not too loud!) or to pray.  Best of all is to learn the value of spending large blocks of time in silence and solitude in order to “be still” with Jesus.  (Start with 30 minutes and build from there.)

Slowing down can’t be learned in a “self-help” program.  You might have adrenaline withdrawals.  You’ll probably feel bored, restless, or insignificant.  You need to “process” your emotions with someone and to get coaching on learning new ways of coping with stress.

Read my article/page, “Hurry Up and Be Still: Freedom from Adrenaline Dependence.”

Take my self-test, “Are you Dependent on Adrenaline?“

Jesus may have helped build this stone theater

By Bill Gaultiere © 2009

Much of our lives includes ordinary work and chores.  We all have to do things that don’t excite us at work or around the house or in running errands. It’s easy to lapse into feeling bored, empty, or like we are trivial.  Or to complain (in our thoughts if not out loud) about what we have to do.

This was my temptation beginning my Monday.

To keep from grumping along today I picked up a special prayer rock.  It’s piece of the outdoor stone theater in Sephorris, Israel.  Jesus may have helped to build this marvelous theatre where the “play actors” (same word as “hypocrite” in the Bible) performed.

“Blue Collar Savior”

As I’ve held my rock today I’ve thought about Jesus working hour after hour as a carpenter or a stone cutter.  I’ve thought about my “Blue Collar Savior” smiling as he serves hard to please customers and blessing them when they complain.  I’ve considered how probably he loaned out his tools and sometimes they were damaged or not returned, but still he was generous with people. I’ve imagined him meditating on Scripture and praying cheerfully while he worked.

For most of his life on earth Jesus worked an ordinary job in an obscure village, loving God and people, praying and playing with his Father, day after day.

Today, Jesus is helping me to appreciate his presence in my midst as I do many ordinary tasks.  I am reminded that Christ is the source of my identity. In the words of the Apostle John: “I am the disciple Jesus loves!”

This is the Gospel for you too: “YOU are the disciple Jesus loves!” Could there be any greater cause for rejoicing than that? What a joy it is to connect with Jesus and learn from him—even on a mundane Monday!

More Soul Shepherding

My book, You Can Live in Jesus’ Easy Yoke, unpacks many aspects of Jesus’ quiet years in Nazareth and his “out of the spotlight” life with the Father. Knowing the way Jesus lived personally and learning how to apply this to the challenges and opportunities of your life is a tremendous help!

Bill Gaultiere, Ph.D. & Kristi Gaultiere, Psy.D. ~ http://www.soulshepherding.org

Jesus, our Good Shepherd, guides us through the seasons of our soul

By Bill Gaultiere © 2011

When the shepherds in our churches and Christian organizations are depressed, overstressed, or struggling with compulsive behavior then the sheep they care for suffer.

If pastors are not growing in their own intimacy with Jesus then their ministry to others is diminished.  If Christian leaders are distracted from setting aside ministry demands to be still with God and open up their hearts to him then they probably are having trouble hearing his voice and relying on his Spirit in their ministry.

Statistics about Pastors show that they experience tremendous stress personally and in their marriages and families. Tragically some pastors burn out or blow out. There is a great need for pastors and other ministry leaders to participate in Soul Shepherding:

Bill Gaultiere, Ph.D. & Kristi Gaultiere, Psy.D. ~ http://www.soulshepherding.org

Soul Shepherding is a 501c3 nonprofit corporation supported by tax-deductible donations