Pastor's Wives

By Bill & Kristi Gaultiere © 2010

Perhaps the most unsung person in a church is the wife of a male pastor.

The pastor’s wife has the most impact on the pastor’s well-being and ministry and on his children. But that’s not all. She can be so much more than a behind the scenes support person – she can have an impactful ministry in the church herself.

Who cares for the pastor’s wife? Who is a safe and appropriate person in her church for her to bring her needs to? Often no one. She may feel lonely and hurting. And she is as likely to suffer from ministry stress and burnout as her husband.

Here are some statistics from surveys of pastor’s wives that highlight the needs they have for Soul Shepherding:

Friendship

Pastor’s wives need safe, soul friends. Many have shared vulnerably with certain women in their church and felt their trust was violated.

• 80% feel left out and unappreciated by church members

• 56% say they have no close friends in the church

Ministry

Pastor’s wives may feel like “unpaid assistants” in the church. And yet, many have so much more to offer in their ministry. All need encouragement for their important role.

• 84% feel unqualified and discouraged in their roles

• 80% feel pressured to do things and be something in the church that they are not

• 60% expressed the need to further their training so they could serve better

Marriage

Being married to a pastor can be challenging!

• 80% believe their spouse is overworked

• 80% wish their spouse would choose another profession

• 40% of their husbands have had an extramarital affair while serving as a pastor

• 50% of their marriages will end in divorce

Family

The pastor’s spouse and children live in a fishbowl. Family time often gets compromised, particularly when family meals are rushed so that the pastor can make evening meetings.

• 94% of clergy families feel the pressures of pastoral ministry
• The majority of pastor’s wives said that the most destructive event that has occurred in their marriage and family was the day they entered the ministry

(Statistics were gathered from HB London, Jr., Pastornet.net, Campus Crusade for Christ, Global Pastors Network.)

If you’re a pastor’s wife and you live in Orange County, CA, you may want to contact Kristi about participating in a Soul Shepherding Group for pastors’ wives.

I compiled a number of key Scriptures to write “A Prayer of Affirmation for Pastors” to help pastors and leaders like myself cultivate the reliance on God that empowers ministry.

Thank you!

Bill & Kristi