Her Solace Was in Wine More Than Jesus

“I’m here because my husband thinks I have a drinking problem,” said Lisa (not her real name). “And he’s crazy! I have my drinking under control.” But Lisa clearly displayed symptoms of addiction: Her alcohol intake had increased. She drank alone. She used wine to deal with stress. Her drinking caused family conflicts. She didn’t…

Helping People to Understand You (The Communication Wheel)

In a conflict situation it’s easy to get entangled in what the other person is doing that upsets me. But that’s not helpful — it only adds to my anger or shame and makes things worse. When there’s tension in my relationship with Bill or someone else I take out The Communication Wheel. It’s simple…

Communicating Emotion to Invite Empathy

Often in marriage or another relationship we think we have an intimacy problem when really it’s more about a boundary problem. Boundaries between people get blurred if either one tries to share their “feelings” by sharing their perceptions of the other person. This blurs boundaries and leads to conflict. Instead, if you share your personal…