By Bill Gaultiere © 2005
Many people we talk to have problems setting boundaries in their relationships. They find themselves in relationship with people who are needy, dysfunctional, or addicted.
They care so much for their family member or friend and so they give as much as they can and more to try to help them. They get stressed out and exhausted! And, even worse, they don’t realize that they’re “enabling” the problem behavior to continue.
This is called “co-dependency.” The Co-Dependency Survey helps you to asses if you may need to work on strengthening your boundaries in your relationships.
Answer each question below with “yes” (mostly true for you) or “no” (mostly not true for you). Then circle each “yes” answer.
- Do you tolerate mistreatment from people in hopes of being loved?
- Do you depend on people who are emotionally unavailable to care for you?
- Do you feel compelled to help people to feel better or to solve their problems?
- Do you rescue others from the consequences of their irresponsible behavior?
- Do you feel empty, bored, or unimportant if you’re not helping someone or responding to a crisis?
- Is it hard for you to say “no” when someone asks you for help?
- Is it hard for you to ask for help?
- In close relationships do you lose interest in your own life?
- Are you quick to get angry about injustices done to others?
- Do you often talk about other people and their problems?
- Do you worry about how other people are feeling?
- Do you worry about other people’s opinions of you?
- Do you keep quiet to avoid conflicts with people?
- Is it hard for you to talk with a boss or someone else in authority?
- Do you feel more comfortable giving to others rather than receiving from them?
- Is it difficult for you to receive attention, compliments, or gifts from others?
The questions you answered “yes” to indicate that you struggle with that characteristic of co-dependency. If you have five or more yes answers of if you answered yes to any question that is very painful or problematic for you then you may have a problem with co-dependency, in which case you should seek in-person help from a psychotherapist and a recovery group.
It’s people like you who support the ministry of Soul Shepherding, which includes articles like this. Perhaps you would like to invest in the renewal of pastors, missionaries, leaders, and care-givers? Even small donations given with prayer in Jesus’ name add up to make Soul Shepherding’s ministry possible. Thank you!
Bill & Kristi
William Gaultiere, Ph.D. & Kristi Gaultiere, Psy.D. ~ http://www.soulshepherding.org
