By Bill Gaultiere © 2000
Tragically, some people suffer from depression, fear, and shame because they think that as Christians they should tolerate or even submit to abuse. This is a misunderstanding of Biblical teaching! God never wants one of his children to be ashamed – he always wants us to cling to Christ for mercy!
We’ve talked with many people who misunderstand the Bible’s teaching on submission in marriage and family or to authority in general. The Bible does not teach husbands to control their wives! And it does not give parents authority to punish their children in anger.
In the Bible we’re taught to submit to one another as unto Christ. Both men and women are taught to serve others with humility and respect and to be compassionate and kind to other people, especially children. At the same time, we are also taught to set boundaries.
Other times people tell us that since Jesus was silent when he was scourged and crucified that they should just take it when someone abuses them. There is a time to endure persecution out of love for Christ (participating in the fellowship of his sufferings) and as a witness for Christ to others. To endure persecution in the right way you need to have developed good internal boundaries and self-esteem through your relationship with Christ so that you’re able to experience mistreatment without absorbing or internalizing it in a way that produces shame or fear in you.
Consider these teachings from the Bible:
Jesus says we need to protect children and be careful never to mistreat them (Matthew 18:6).
Men and women are both encouraged by Jesus to humble themselves as little children (Matthew 18:2-4).
Don’t think of yourself as more important than others (Luke 9:48, Mark 9:33-35).
Those who want to be great leaders should seek to serve others as Jesus did (Matthew 20:25-28).
Wives and husbands are to submit to each other, following Jesus’ example of humble service (John 13:12-17, Ephesians 5:21).
For a husband to be the “head” of his wife is for him to follow Jesus’ example of being a servant-leader who did not lord it over us, but sacrificially gave himself for us. Husbands are to love their wives, give themselves up for their wives, care for their wives as they care for their own bodies, just as Christ does for the church. The wife’s role of submitting is in this context. (Mark 10:42-43, Ephesians 5:22-28, 1 Peter 5:1-4).
When we’re angry at a loved one who has mistreated us we’re encouraged to express our anger by speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15, 25-26).
Violent behavior, perverse speech, and injustice are evil (Proverbs 8:13, 13:2, 24:1-2, 28:5).
We are to avoid, shun, and hate evil – abuse is evil (Proverbs 3:7, 8:13, Romans 12:9, 1Thessalonians 5:22).
Like Jesus, we should not submit to evil or let others control us (Matthew 12:15, 16:21-23, John 6:15).
When we are sinned against Jesus encouraged us to confront the person in private. If he doesn’t listen then we’re to bring one or two witnesses along. If he still doesn’t listen we’re to withdraw ourselves from him until he changes. (Matthew 18:15-17)
Withdrawing (without reacting in anger) from someone who continually sins against you is important self-protection and it is the best way to help the one who violated you (1 Corinthians 5:5, Titus 3:10-11).
It’s people like you who support the ministry of Soul Shepherding, which includes articles like this. Perhaps you would like to invest in the renewal of pastors, missionaries, leaders, and care-givers? Even small donations given with prayer in Jesus’ name add up to make Soul Shepherding’s ministry possible.Thank you!
Bill & Kristi
William Gaultiere, Ph.D. & Kristi Gaultiere, Psy.D. ~ http://www.soulshepherding.org
